He Knows My Remorse
Scripture Reading: Matthew 26:59-68; 27:1-10
Meditation
The traitorous deed is done.
The transaction between Judas and the High Priest is complete. The Son of Man is now in the hands of sinful men for the bargain price of thirty pieces of silver, compensation equivalent to that of a slave accidentally gored by an ox.
Once again, the words that the prophet spoke about the Shepherd of Israel in days gone by have come alive in Jesus’ time.
“Pay me what you think I’m worth.” They paid me an insulting sum, counting out thirty silver coins.1
After the religious leaders have Jesus in hand, they take him to stand trial before the Sanhedrin—the ruling religious body of the Jews. Throughout the night, one false witness after another steps up and presents bogus accusations and cooked up charges against Jesus.
Nothing sticks until the Chief Priest asks Jesus whether he is the Messiah.
When Jesus claims to be the Messiah, the Chief Priest loses his temper, tears his robes, and starts yelling,
“He blasphemed! Why do we need witnesses to accuse him? You all heard him blaspheme! Are you going to stand for such blasphemy?”
They all said, “Death! That seals his death sentence.”2
Blasphemy is the charge,
‘guilty’ the verdict,
and death the penalty.
When Judas learns of the sentence, he is overcome with remorse. He suddenly realizes that, for a handful of silver coins, he has delivered his Master—the Messiah—to the devil’s agents on a silver platter. He has even sealed the deal with a kiss.
Though he tries to run from the accusations of his thoughts, he can’t escape the damning testimony of his own heart; Jesus is doomed because of what he has done. And unless he does something to redeem himself, Judas fears that his own doom will soon follow. For the first time since the blood money changed hands, he’s having second thoughts.
“Oh no! What have I done? I’ve betrayed an innocent man. His blood is going to be on my hands. He’s doomed. And so am I.”
The coins that clink in Judas’ purse rattle his soul. Attached to the thirty pieces of silver is a costly consequence—terror of conscience and torment of soul.
This is more than he had bargained for.
The one turned traitor has just been snake bitten. Little did Judas know that the serpent of betrayal always strikes twice. First it bites the one who is betrayed and then it recoils on the hand that holds it.
The venom of betrayal is quickly moving towards Judas’ soul and, if the poison isn’t removed soon, death is imminent. Sorrow over his sin has put a salve on the bite but only forgiveness will remove the poison.
Driven by remorse, Judas goes looking for redemption. But he goes looking for it in the wrong place. He doesn’t run to Jesus. He runs to the brood of vipers, the high priests. But they don’t care about the terror of a soul. Worse than that, they can’t give what they don’t have. They’re spiritually bankrupt themselves.
But Judas is determined to buy back his soul from the high priests. Like a dog returning to its vomit, he runs to the Temple, holds out the thirty pieces of silver to the high priests, bares his heart, and begs for redemption.
“I’ve sinned. I’ve betrayed an innocent man.”3
As Judas bids for forgiveness, the high priests turn their heads at his offer.
“What do we care? That’s your problem!”4
Redemption can’t be found at the hands of the priests. Their policy is no refunds on blood money; what’s bought can’t be returned. Though Judas’ confession is sincere, forgiveness isn’t for sale. No amount of money can buy back the kiss in the Garden. When it comes to betrayal, all sales are final.
Locked out of the kingdom of grace, Judas’ remorse turns into despair. He sees no way out, nowhere to turn, and no one else to run to. Without forgiveness, he can’t bear to live with what he has done. His body is alive but his spirit is dying from a lack of grace. Spiritually busted, Judas decides to cash out. He throws the blood money across the Temple floor, runs out to the nearest hill, finds a tree, and begins to form a noose.
While Judas is bent on taking his life, Jesus, his Master, is ready and determined to give his life as a ransom for many. Soon Judas and Jesus will each hang from a tree. One will hang from a noose; the other will stand tall and hold fast to the nails.
Despair, coupled with the belief that there is no other way, will take one life.
Love, married to the belief that this is the Father’s way, will offer up the other.
Though both trees will bear the penalty of sin, only one will pay the price for redemption. From the cross, Jesus will say the words that Judas longs to hear,
“Father, forgive them; they don’t know what they’re doing.”5
Such redemption can’t be bought with gold or silver. It doesn’t come from the hands of bankrupt men. It can only be given, free and clear, from the hands of a Savior who is rich in grace and generous in mercy
Reflection
Have you ever been overcome with remorse because of your sin?
Like Judas, how have you tried to purchase your own redemption? Why is Christ’s payment the only redemption for sin?
When Judas ran to the chief priests and confessed his sin, they said, “What do we care? That’s your problem!”
Why do all efforts at self-redemption lead to death?
How does Christ respond to a sinner’s plea?
Prayer
Father,
Like Judas, I have a price by which my loyalty to Christ can be bought.
In many ways and at many times I have sold out your Son. But as the silver coins clink in my pocket, my soul rattles with remorse. I am suffering terror of conscience and torment of soul and these are more than I have bargained for. In many ways, I have tried to atone for my sins but have found that redemption is not for sale.
During this day, create faith in me to believe that the cross is the only place I need to run. Remind me that forgiveness can’t be bought with such perishable things as gold or silver but only with the precious blood of your Son, Jesus Christ. When my remorse turns to despair, lead me away from the tree of destruction and bring me to the tree of life. As I gaze upon the crucified Christ, let me hear the only words that give life,
“Father, forgive them; they don’t know what they’re doing.”
It’s in your Son’s name that I pray. Amen.
1Zechariah 11:12 2Matthew 26:65-66 3Matthew 27:4 4Matthew 27:4 5Luke 23:34
All Scripture references in the meditation are marked by italics and are taken from the Gospel reading for the day. Those verses quoted outside of the chosen reading for the day are noted. All Scripture quoted in this post is taken from THE MESSAGE: Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 2000, 2001 & 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved.